Realism:OMAKEs and Extra Stuff
by lavacana
Summary: These are just all the extra, and much more fun, stuff that I thought were probably Not A Good Idea within the original story. Bad jokes, chapter outlines, music, and alternate scenes that didn't really fit in can be found HERE. Enter with caution! Also, you probably won't understand anything here without reading Realism, so just loop-de-loop back on over there, yeah?
1. Chappie 1:Click--OMAKE

Still smiling joyfully at her reassurance in reality, she makes her way over to a station just inside Konoha's gates. She has a plan now. Ask for directions, hop on the next bus, or train, or plane, out of this place, and head on home. Simple yet efficient-

"Excuse me ma'am, but I cannot allow you to pass." Someone is standing in front of her. She blinks, because when the heck did that guy get in front of her? She looks up, eyes stopping momentarily on the bandages wrapped around his nose, before continuing on to make eye contact.

"Huh?"

He looks thoroughly unimpressed with her response. "I need you to get back in line, ma'am."

She shifts back a step, uncomfortable with his sudden attention on her and his invasion of her personal space. "Um, line?" She… can't think properly at the moment. No really, what was she doing before this guy popped up out of nowhere? And being called ma'am is so frackin' weird. Who calls a teenager ma'am?

He sighs, appearing more than fed up with her cluelessness. He steps forward, speaking as he places a hand on her shoulder to turn her around and guide her to a line of civilian travelers she didn't bother to notice before. "Ma'am, please move back to the end of the line and wait your turn. You will be called forward to submit your-"

"Woah, woah woah, WOAH!" She jumps forward and out of reach. "NO. TOUCHING. Nuh uh mister, no touchy-feely!"

Two more people are abruptly surrounding her, all positioned to grab her at a moment's notice. She's just now realizing that they are probably ninjas, and reacting loudly will only bring consequences, and they're advancing oh crap oooh craaaap whatIdo?!

She throws her hands into the air, her eyes going wide and bag jostling from the movement. "Hold on, hold on! Hol'up a minute, guys, I just want directions!"

The ninjas pause, glancing at each other for instruction. The man with the bandage wrapped around his nose steps forward, and it clicks that he must be the authority figure right now. "Alright. Where exactly are you going?"

She lowers her hands, breathing out in relief. Yay, no kunai in her eye today. Well, yet. Also, Bandage-Man looks kind of familiar? From an episode, perhaps? She also can't help but notice that the others haven't exactly moved away from her, even though the other travelers are looking towards them in interest. "Uh…" she directs her attention back to Bandage-Man. "I'm heading to NYC. You know how to get there?"

He appears confused for a second. "I'm sorry?"

She rolls her eyes, because this always happens, especially when she talks to people out of state. "NYC. New York City. I want to know how to get back there. One minute I'm walking down Fifth, the next I'm staring at this place, wherever this is. I just need directions to the nearest train or something and I'll be out of here before you can say Mama Mia." She grins, trying her best to appear friendly. Strangers help fellow strangers all the time, right? Well, not only is she a stranger, but she's a friendly-young-girl-stranger who is lost, so maybe she could play the pity card for-

He glances to the nearest ninja on her left. "I'm sorry ma'am. You are currently in Konoha. May I ask your purpose in coming?"

For one single, irrational, insane moment in time, she almost laughs at the not-there-at-all sexual innuendo. She has a dirty, dirty mind.

Instead of laughing, and thank goodness she doesn't, she kind of just freaks out quietly.

"I didn't come here. I just want to go home. I don't know how I got here. Can you just tell me how to get to New York?" Oh shit what if she isn't even in the same state? What if she isn't even in the same country?!

The ninja to her left grasps her elbow harshly, and she squeaks. "Hey! What-?" Another ninja takes a hold of her other arm as she moves to pull the previous off. They hold her tightly, dragging her forward. "Hey! Stop!"

"Pardon, ma'am, I'm going to have to take you with me." Bandage-Man is speaking in complete detachment, as if his crew isn't dragging an entirely innocent person off to who-knows-where. "Don't worry, we just want to ask a few questions."

"Dude, what the-LET GO, MAN!" She struggles, trying to yank out of their grasp. She can already see the line of people whispering amongst themselves getting farther away, the desk shrinking in size. How the heck are they moving this fast! She grunts, kicking at the ninja. They simply shove her feet out of the way. "Let me go, the hell! I didn't do anything!"

Bandage-Man says something else, but right now all she can think about is LEAVE NOW BEFORE DEATH BY KUNAI.

"THE FUCK LEMME GO!" She wiggles and heaves, but their grip is as solid as rock. She drops her full weight, and they simply pick her up and continue moving. Bandage-Man's voice is white noise in her ears. Nothing is working, she can't kick them, she can't reach her pepper spray because it's in her bag and they have her arms trapped. They aren't even letting her feet touch the ground, since they're just carrying her now.

So she screams.

"HELP! HELP ME! THEY'RE KILLING ME AND RAPING ME AND TRAPPING ME AND HELP ME I DON'T WANNA DIE! TELL 'EM TO LEMME GO, LEMME GO YOU CREEPY, SADISTIC, KUNAI-WIELDING SONS OF B-"

She blacks out.

* * *

 **I rewrote this shit three times kid you not. I wanted the OMAKE to be funnier, but I literally just took one of the previous drafts and put it up as the OMAKE. There'll probably be plenty of these in chapters to come. Most of them will be drafts that I didn't believe fit the situation well enough, but probably capture the humor and ridiculous consequences of nonsensical actions that truly makes my character herself. Also no-name-stated is purposeful!**

 **Here's a song: Goodbye To A World-Porter Robinson**

 **No, this is not canon within the fiction. Mainly because She doesn't speak the language Kotetsu is s[eaking, which is why it ended up not in the story. But I thought it made for some accurate representation of Her character, so I decided to throw it up here. Tada, I guess.**


	2. Chappie 2:010203 Meets a Hummingbird

Hunter-nin 010203 watches Konoha's prisoner for any sign of consciousness. For the past half hour, 010203 has guarded exits 1 and 2 from escape of prisoner. If prisoner is to escape, orders are to switch 010203's mission from that of sentry detail to that of assassination. As of yet, prisoner has not exhibited signs of consciousness. Steady, deep breathing and only slight movement of fingers suggest non-REM sleep.

Prisoner came into hospital mid-morning due to panic attack. Prisoner was placed under ANBU detail due to unknown identity. If prisoner awakens and is not a threat, 010203 is to alert hospital staff and await T&I.

(Personally, Genma is just happy they called him in for some shitty guard mission. When Sandaime-sama requested him as Hunter-Nin 010203, he'd been slightly afraid he'd have to go hunt down another poor son of a bitch for deserting. There has been a steady increase in ninja jumping ship, ever since the Uzumaki kid joined the Academy. How sick is that?)

Slight fluttering of prisoner's eyelids and full-body flinch suggest prisoner is regaining consciousness. 010203 prepares for attack.

Prisoner opens eyes. Prisoner examines room. Prisoner sits up.

(Something deep inside Genma's soul sobs quietly at the lack of _everything_ that is his persona 010203. If he didn't have to compartmentalize literal years of traumatic and vomit-inducing shitstorms to prevent himself from breaking, then he wouldn't. Having to use only simple sentences is so dull that his entire _being_ hurts. He's so used to sassy quips and wiggly eyebrows with pointed smirks that anything so _boring_ makes him pout. Hard. Like, maybe the-funny-that-finally-makes-Raidō-split-his-spleen hard. Seriously, it's so bad-)

Prisoner approaches window. 010203 prepares to recapture. Prisoner stares out of window. Prisoner looks around room. Prisoner stares out of window. Prisoner speaks indiscernibly.

(Wait, what? What did they just say?)

010203 decides to make presence known. 010203 appears on ground floor and opens exit 1 for pretense of just entering room. Prisoner turns around to look at 010203. 010203 waits for prisoner to make first contact. Prisoner appears to be lost in thought. Since Sandaime-sama has not instructed 010203 to be hostile unless provoked, 010203 chooses to give neutral greeting while flickering chakra to alert hospital personnel of change in prisoner's status.

(Also, the kid looks terribly dazed and confused, and Genma wants to at least try to help them a bit.)

010203 clears throat, bows, and says, "Someone will come to attend you immediately."

Prisoner responds, "Uh, suhrhrii?"[Uh, sorry?]

010203 does not understand prisoner's response. (Is the girl playing a joke on him or something?)

010203 straightens and asks, "What did you say?"

Prisoner responds, "Wahyit?"[What?]

Prisoner studies 010203. 010203 takes advantage of lull in activity to do the same. 010203 notes height (The girl is short enough she could pass for 10 years old.), weight (The poor thing's unhealthily skinny, and the part of Genma that envies Gai for having a genin team rears it's head at the injustice of a malnourished child.), and hair color. (Her base hair color appears to be Genma's own shade of brown, except for the tips of her hair which are definitely aquamarine, and to top it all off she's wearing a pink hat. It vaguely reminds him of the colouring of a hummingbird. Genma wonder's if the aquamarine is natural, then recalls that both Mitarashi and Uzuki rock purple hair like nobody's business, Kakashi walks around with old-man silver even though the guy is just starting his late twenties, and Genma swears he's been seeing splashes of pink around the Village somewhere. Even worse, they're all natural colors. So yeah, it's totally plausible this kid's hair is natural.)

Prisoner sighs, sits down on bed, and says, "Ahi fhihnkuh whee yehyr spi ki enk deef-[I think we're speaking dif-]". 010203 abruptly gives up attempting to discern recognizable syllables from prisoner's speech.

(Kami-sama and all that is holy, is that tiny little thing speaking _another language_? Or are they a defective sleeper?

Genma's blood chills at the thought of a ten-year old becoming a defective sleeper.)

010203 moves to block exit 1 and keep exit 2 within sight. 010203 attempts to clarify, "I believe we are talking in two different languages." (Because the alternative is too cruel for Genma's heart to handle.) "This will make communication difficult."

Prisoner lays down on bed. Prisoner relaxes into deep thought.

(Genma can't even begin to understand the implications that come with a civilian speaking another language. How is it even possible for there to be another language? The last recorded incident was probably during the Sage's time, and that's if one assumes the Sage was even real! For almost all of history, the Elemental Nations and its neighboring islands have all spoken one universal language. The Five Nations even gave up excavating for any historical artifacts in relation to ancient civilizations because it was so rare and inconsequential to the Warring State and onward that it was basically irrelevant anyways. So how is it that this kid can speak another language?)

Prisoner checks pockets and immediate surroundings, possibly searching for possessions. Possessions are already within R&D custody. Prisoner looks at Hunter-nin 010203 without provocation. Prisoner stares.

(It's so obvious that the kid is thinking hard. You can practically hear her gears turning all the way across the room. Genma's expression twists into something resembling fond exasperation, and he is suddenly glad for the mask hiding his face. _Kids_ , man. Friggin' _kids_. They'll be the death of him one day, he swears.

The sad thing is that could actually be the truth one of these days. Genma is grateful for peacetime, if only because it keeps Konoha's children out of battles and safe inside the Village. He remembers with cursed clarity the Third War, and is pleased to say that Konoha's current ninja-in-training are as stupid and naive as one would expect a child to be if they have never truly been in a life-and-death situation. It's a glorious era to live in. The playgrounds are full with toddlers from the recent baby boom after the Kyuubi Attack, the Academy teachers are scrambling for extra desks because of the surge in students, and even the pranks the Uzumaki kid manages to play on the Village. It's great.

To think that there might be a Village out there taking advantage of these peaceful times to deploy _child sleepers_ of all things… Genma's lips thin into a line. It's _despicable._ )

Prisoner abruptly speaks. 010203 withholds instinctive urge to brandish kunai, and makes mental note to work on continuous awareness of surroundings. (By the glorious long staff of the Sage himself, did Genma _actually_ just _flinch_? That's _so_ embarrassing.) Prisoner attempts communication. 010203 outwardly shows attention to speech, but is incapable of responding, as prisoner is speaking another language.

(That still fucking blows his mind, seriously, _another fucking language_ , what the _fuck_.)

Prisoner continues failed communication, approaching Hunter-nin 010203. As per protocol, 010203 does not reciprocate. 010203 keeps careful watch of prisoner's outward attitude and distance from exit 1. Prisoner motions with hands, and actions vaguely resemble that of one adjusting messenger bag. 010203 deduces prisoner is referring to possessions.

(Genma imagines telling Raidō about a little hummingbird that soared into Konoha today, and how it tried to flap its wings in the shape of a messenger bag while chirping in another language. He debates on whether or not that will be the joke to finally get Raidō to laugh hard enough to split his spleen, and admits to himself that no, he'll probably only get scolded for talking about an ANBU mission, because 'ANBU missions are top secret Genma, you can't go talking about them like that, no matter if it's with a fellow ANBU!' The thought of Raidō's last scolding makes Genma shift his weight a bit. Raidō is _strict._ Probably strict enough to make the Sage of Six Paths himself cower under- _)_

Prisoner moves towards exit 1. 010203 takes preventative action and places self in front of exit 1. 010203 gives first and final warning, "You are not allowed to leave." 010203 makes intent clear.

(Don't do this, kid. Don't make me do this. Please.)

Prisoner responds verbally, and attempts to go around 010203. 010203 takes preventative action. Prisoner once again responds verbally, and attempts to go around 010203. 010203 once again takes preventative action. Prisoner halts in advancement. Prisoner shifts stance to something obviously intended for flexible movement.

(Genma immerses himself in persona Hunter-nin 010203 so he can complete his duty to the Village, and prepares to kill the prisoner, if need be.)

Prisoner advances to left. Hunter-nin 010203 blocks attempt to escape by advancing to left. Prisoner advances to right. Hunter-nin 010203 blocks attempt to escape by advancing to right and increasing immediate reach. Prisoner advances by ducking and breaching Hunter-nin 010203's personal space. Hunter-nin 010203 brings up hand with three poisoned senbon, to induce paralysis.

Hospital Staff flickers chakra to notify intent to enter. 010203 decides to let prisoner through guard, and trusts that Hospital Staff can easily disable prisoner if escape attempt continues.

Prisoner dodges through 010203's guard and reaches door. 010203 expects prisoner to open door and run.

(Alright kid, let's see if you got the guts to try and face Konoha's medic-nin. Genma can't help but snicker internally at how sore the punk's going to feel after getting jumped on by the entire staff of Konoha's Hospital. Those nurses are _vicious_. He's talking from experience.

Instead, he's pleasantly surprised when the girl starts dancing.

Genma doesn't even try cataloging it as 010203. It's too ridiculous to even try. The kid has a chance to make a run for it, and instead they're clearly rubbing their impromptu, and not even legitimate, victory in his face. It's complete with funky dance moves and everything. It's _hilarious_.)

Female Medic-nin enters room. Prisoner loses balance and suffers brief head injury. Medic-nin responds accordingly.

(He must not laugh. He mustn't. Hunter-nin missions pay too good to lose. He _must not_ laugh. The nurse sends him a reprimanding glare as she examines the kid for injury and initiates a quick medical scan. Genma valiantly does not giggle, snicker, or even sniffle with the slightest hint of laughter. He's proud of his strength in the face of his greatest adversary: humor.)

Medic-nin leaves. Prisoner makes rude gesture to 010203 with right hand.

(It takes everything Genma has not to lose it, and even then he still can't help the knee-jerk reaction to flip her off in return. It ends up as a visible twitch of his right arm and Genma bites his lip in self-reprimand. By the Sage and Kami-sama Himself, this kid is a _riot_!)

* * *

 **Here's a song: MC Hammer- U Can't Touch This**

 **At first, I already had something... prepared for you guys. But after thinking about it a little more, I realized you guys might not be able to handle something so... hard. So I went ahead and stayed up really late last night getting ready, and now I present you with something... a little easier to swallow.**

 **You're welcome. | ￣∀￣ | (ʃƪ¬‿¬)**


	3. She Encounters Akatsuki First

She lowered her cell from her ear, mouth dropping open at the sudden change in surroundings. Where before there had been skyscrapers reaching to the skies, angry pedestrians shoving through the crowd, and food vendors around every corner, there were now giant trees reaching to the skies, angry wildlife squabbling for food, and bushes around every corner.

In other words, she was in an entirely different place she'd never been to before.

Her arm dropped, phone loosely grasped within her right hand, as she gaped at the humongous forest she'd just appeared in. How did she even get here? How was she going to get back? Where even _was_ here?

She slowly turned around, still flabbergasted at just the sheer amount of _green_ that was everywhere. There were green leaves, green grass, green frogs, green bushes, green flowers, and even some green sunlight because of just how much _green_ -

And apparently a splotch of black, too.

She blinked at dark spot as it easily slid out of a tree trunk, and revealed an anthropomorphic bi-coloured plant. She gasped and stumbled backwards, clutching both her bag and her phone closer to her person, staring wide eyed at the thing. "What the fuck!"

The creature opened its venus flytrap jaws, and form behind zig-zag fangs peered a somewhat human face. "Korehanandesuka? Watashitachi ga hōmon-sha o motte iru yō ni omoemasu ka?(What's this? It seems like we have a visitor.)" it spoke. "Watashitachiha ima, kanojo o korosu hitsuyō ga arimasu.(We should kill her now.)" it added, in an entirely different voice from its first.

From the back of her mind, a deja vu feeling crept up, and something along the thoughts of _Naruto, Akatsuki,_ and _Zetsu_ caused her to freeze up in panic. "Oh shit fuck no, OH HELL NO!" She whirled around and leapt forward to get away from the Plant Monster speaking riddles.

Another person materialized before her, this time appearing in a swirl of leaves and gleaming red eyes.

She attempted to skid to a halt and ended up ass over teakettle. She rolled to a stop and lurched up to her knees, panting a little and staring wide-eyed at someone vaguely resembling that one Batman copycat from some place she kind of remembers but doesn't really.

Demon-Eyes loomed above her, "Anata wa koko de nani o shite iru no?(What are you doing here?)"

She gulped, already shaking, and stuttered, "I-I don't know what's going on! P-please don't hurt me!" Unable to continue staring into those wretched eyes, she stared sideways. It was clear, she could probably make a run for it if she avoided that thick root right over there. She clenched her fists and prepared to lift off.

Another dark figure appeared, this time with a swirl of space that sent warning bells blaring in her head. An orange masked male jumped forward into a ridiculous mockery of a surprise. "Watashi no ā! Tobi wa rīdā-sama no mori no naka no warui on'nanoko o hakken shimashita!(Oh my! Tobi has found a bad girl in Leader-sama's woods!)

Plant Monster replied in its dual voices, but she decided _fuck it all_ , and desperately scrambled to the one side that didn't have a man cloaked in black with red clouds. Something snagged her collar only half-way into her impromptu escape, and she choked at the sudden grip. Her collar stretched too far and she bounced backward, into the legs of a bare-chested, scythe wielding son of a bitch.

Memories of watching the Akatsuki pwn poor Konoha n00bs flashed through her mind, and deep-rooted panic tangoed with abrupt understanding.

A)She was in the Naruto universe.

B)She had been found by the Akatsuki.

C)She was- _most likely_ -going to die.

As any truly despairing human being would do, she concluded that any last-ditch attempt on that _most likely_ was worth it.

Once she could breathe again, she glanced up through teary eyes to watch as Scythe Guy leered down at her. He bent towards her and she scooted clumsily away from him. Scythe Guy cackled, "Meinu o mite! Kusonezumi no yō hanarete jikkō shiyou to shite imasu!(Look at the bitch! Trying to run away like a fucking rat!)"

She craned her neck around, eyes watering even more at the sight of a group of darkly cloaked figures standing in a loose circle around her. She gulped noisily, trembling so badly she could barely stand up. As it was, she decided that standing wouldn't do her any good anyways, and simply stayed on the ground. "Please don't kill me," she whimpered.

"Kanojo ga nani o itte imasu ka?(What's she saying?)" one of the Akatsuki grunted, shifting his giant sword, bandaged for whatever horrific reason, on his shoulder. The man clearly had blue skin and gills. She shuddered at the sight.

"Watashi wa kanojo ga chinpunkanpun, Kokuren o hanashite iru to omoimasu.(I think she is speaking gibberish, un.)" replied another with long blonde hair.

She stumbled to her feet, knees clicking together. Timidly, she brought her messenger bag to her chest. She bit her lip, a few tears cascading down her cheek. How was she going to escape, how was she going to convince them to let her live, if she couldn't even _speak their language_! "Akatsuki?"

A hulking mass shifted out of the shadows, and she squeaked at the sight. "Kanojo wa watashitachi no namae o shitte imasu…(She knows our name…)" they hissed.

She closed her eyes, tentative exhaling, and for a moment she could've sworn she _actually_ peed a little. Then she remembered her previous analysis of death being only _most likely_ and decided to go for it. She straightened out, let her messenger bag drop, and forced her brain to remember every detail, every moment spent watching the show, every subtitle she scanned and every name she had to recall that was relevant to the plot. For those few precious moments, she _remembered_...

Pretty much nothing. Because you can't just force amnesia away.

Eyes now flickering to and fro wildly, wheezing through her clogged through, sweat dripping down her brow, nails digging into her palm, heart palpitating, knees shaking, she franticly tried to think of a solution to her problem. She had to convince them. How could she convince them with no information? She had to remember the information. How could she remember the information if she couldn't even remember her own name?

The realization slammed into her with enough force to send her collapsing limply to the ground, heaving ragged breaths and clawing at the dirt for some kind of respite. Or maybe that was Scythe Man jumping on her instead.

"Watashi wa saigo no Jashin-sama ni gisei o tsukuttanode, sore wa 5-jikan to natte imasu! Kegareta baishunpu wa ōkina gisei o okonaimasu!(It's been five hours since I last made a sacrifice to Jashin-sama! The dirty whore will make a great sacrifice!)" cackled Scythe Man, his weapon already dragging across her cheek. Blood dribbled to the surface and slid down her chin, and she couldn't help but wail in fear. "NO! No, please, please no, oh god please no, please, PLEASE!"

"Sore wa jinsoku ni okonaimasu. Watashitachiha shimei o motte imasu.(Make it quick. We have a mission.)" one of the shadows said, disappearing shortly after. Scythe Man shrieked with laughter and grabbed her up, tossing her about across teh ground. She yelped at the sudden action, rolling across the forest floor before coming to a stop in front of Red Eyes again. "Fucking _hell_ ," she groaned, trying to pick herself up when an agonizing pain pierced right through her left ankle. She screeched, twisting around and lashing out with her right leg, catching sight of Scythe Man chuckling and dragging his scythe towards him.

She howled as the pain intensified, writhing and trying to crawl away. "It hurts!" she cried. "Oh god it hurts! Stop! Please stop, please." she sobbed. Scythe Man said something and yanked the scythe. Her foot slid right off with a sickening squelch.

For a moment, all she could do was just stare blankly at her detached foot. The experience was so strange, seeing a limb apart from her body. Blood spilled from the open wound, clumping together with the branches and leaves littered around her. She dazedly blinked at the scene, mind going a little fuzzy, trying to understand why her left foot wasn't where it was supposed to be.

And then came the pain.

It sparked at the center of the injury, swiftly spreading up her entire leg. It burned ferociously, and she groaned almost questioningly at it. Her moan quickly became a wail as the pain intensified, cleaving a circle of absolute agony that encompassed mainly her calf. Unable to even speak, she groped at the air close to her stump aimlessly, blubbering stupidly and sobbing between breaths. She fell back, hyperventilating, the world spinning around her, her wound throbbing in time with her heart. The anguish peaked, and Scythe Man appeared before her with a vicious smile, swinging his scythe down. She squeezed her eyes shut and let loose one last desperate yell.

* * *

Tobi gasped as Hidan hacked away at the girl's corpse. "Hidan-senpai is so messy!"

Hidan grinned and paused to shoot Tobi something of a proud look. "That's the best part."

Itachi blankly stared at the dead girl's face, forever frozen in fear, before turning around and walking away. Kisame fell into step with him. They had more important things to do then babysit Hidan during a sacrifice. He would use this situation as food for thought later on. After all, it was worth thinking over how an insane civilian managed to stumble across Akatsuki's elusive base of operations.

* * *

 **so like I don't like this? at all?**

 **It's really rushed and it's really late, but I wanted to explore the idea of what would happen to Her if Akatsuki found her first, thanks to a reviewer's question. I thought of thirty different ways this could've gone, but my stories have a bad habit of developing personalities and the ability to think for themselves as soon as I start typing them out. I don't even remember rereading this for editing purposes, and I'm reeeaaaallly sleep-deprived right now, so I'ma just go and hit the hay before I pass out. Tootles!**


	4. Chappie 3: Chicken Noodle Soup vs R&D

"Ne, ne, Tessen-san, have you finished the blueprints for the shuriken launcher you were telling me about the other day?"

Tessen smiles at his coworker, pausing momentarily in his scrupulous search of the strange device before him. "Sorry Yui-san, not yet. I promise that when I finish it, you will be the first to see it!"

Yui-san beams back at him, a blush staining her cheeks. "I would love that, Tessen-san! Thank you!"

Tessen grins back. They spend a moment just smiling at each other. Ōkei coughs pointedly into his fist. The two lovebirds jolt and immediately get back to work, blushing furiously, the sparkles around them just moments falling dejectedly to the floor. Ōkei sighs and grabs up a dustpan. For the past month or so, he and Hisako-san have taken turns on cleaning duty. The twinkles of love that Tessen and Yui create on a daily basis were a hassle to clean up. Since Hisako-san is currently giving a report to the Hokage, it fell to Ōkei to keep up the workplace. Ōkei doesn't know if Tessen and Yui getting together would stop the glitters from appearing, but he solemnly swears to himself that if they don't stop it soon, he will invent a sparkle-vacuum that will, as an unfortunate side effect, vacuum up all the cheesy love the two have for each other.

A sudden sound causes him to jump and spin around with wide eyes to stare at the object before Tessen. Tessen curses and leans away from the table, and Yui reflexly rushes over to the door, prepared to get help. All three stare for a while as the sound continues to be released, and when nothing blows up, they all relax a little.

"What did you do?" demands Ōkei to Tessen.

"I-I pressed the main button three times." replies Tessen.

Ōkei pinches the bridge of his nose and resists the urge to curse, instead inhaling as deeply as he can. "Why."

Yui ahemms politely, and once Ōkei glances in her direction, she explains, "I understand that Hisako-san told us not to mess around with the object, Ōkei-san, but we already declared it threat-free. It's nothing more than a miniature TV screen, and though I am certain it has more functions than just that, I doubt something designed for entertainment will also contain a potential danger. It wouldn't be practical. Knowing that, I thought up some combinations we could try to activate the device."

Ōkei knows he should play the responsible adult here and tell these two off, but he can't deny some curiosity. The sounds playing from the device don't help, either. He wrinkles his nose in distaste at the noise. "Can anyone recognize it?"

Tessen adjusts the bandana on his head. "Maybe we should get someone from the phonetics department down here. Oh wait, we don't have any."

Yui gives Tessen a disapproving look. "Tessen-san!"

Tessen flinches back at her glare. "But Yui-san, it's true!"

Ōkei grumbles underneath his breath and starts poking at the device, trying to find out how to shut it off. A moment later Yui is peeking over his shoulder, peering curiously at the object displaying the picture of the subject with two others, as well as some basic triangles.

Yui hums a little, then smiles. "It's kind of catchy."

Ōkei grunts in disgust. "It's atrocious. It's worse than all the Academy students singing our national anthem combined."

Tessen twists away from his papers to look at his coworkers in confusion. "We have a national anthem?"

Yui dainty places a hand over her mouth with a giggle. "You're so silly, Tessen-san!"

Tessen-san adjusts his bandana, grinning through his blush. "Sorry, Yui-san!"

The two pause, and stare.

Ōkei groans. The sparkles are back.

 _-A Few Minutes Later-_

All three R&D employees hum, sway, and tap their feet to the song.

* * *

 **(yes it was Lose Control because it's fucking Lose Control damn it)**

 **Ch-Childhood? Is...Is that you?!**

watch?v=sFav9P54JUA ( **all those names D:** -Chicken Noodle Soup)

watch?v=S5ck6TJQ5Ow (Lil Mama-Lip Gloss)

watch?v=pGL2rytTraA (Kelis-Milkshake)

watch?v=DdVC6K2jsdw (Missy Elliot-Lose Control)

watch?v=cjIvu7e6Wq8 (Missy Elliot-Work it)

watch?v=iBHNgV6_znU (Ciara-1,2 Step)

watch?v=sQgd6MccwZc (Destiny's Child-Say My Name)

 **(they were supposed to be a bunch of bad songs from childhood. Instead it turned into a nostalgia run. I have many more, if you want them. These were just the ones during the writing of this omake. LISTEN TO ALL OF THEM if you can. Gives you a little taste of what to expect from Her(me), considering she has those songs on her iPod.)**


	5. Chappie 4:DISDAHPLANNING

_**HOW I PLANNED THE 3RD CHAPTER:**_

(so Kaname-chaaaaan~ describes the failure w/ the smartphone. They decided not to touch it no more, cuz NO PLAY WITH GLOWEY THINGS. Ibkiki is like HMMMMM this is weird yes but, me why? And she is like er. Uh. i cant understand the subject. He like wut. And she is like i think...she...is speaking a different...language? And he's like dude the last time anyone spoke anything else other than common tongue was back BEFORE the warring states era. And shes like I KNOW I KNOW but like seriously dude. I cant understand shit she says. And he slike well her brain was scrambled then. Happens when a sleeper agent is uncussessful or someone went rogue or some shit or jutsu gone wrong? And shes like yah but this isnt even a mix of recognizable sounds this is just one hundred percent wtfery. And hes like uh. And shes like i showed a map dude and instead she drew me a DIFFERENT map -shows map- and he liek HURMMNR aight lemme take a crack at em) (kaname does some movmen.t shifts weight onto left leg or finger twitches or moves her hands from in front or side or abck to somewhere else or blinks or swallwos or breathes or something. Ibiki is like "If it wasn't unproffesional, he would've thrown his head back and cackled. It's been years since T&I had to interrogate anyone that the lower ranks couldn't handle. He's already salivating at the prospect) (ibiki dismisses her. Hmph. Interesting. Let's see what happens when I take a crack at them" wicked smile)

 _ **HOW I PLANNED 4TH CHAPTER:**_

(and two anbu positioned outside, one walks in when she wakes up because sensing movement muahahaaa and then in comes an insignificant character to question her but can;t make heads or tails, so inoichi be like ayo lemme chk if ur a sleepah and do my mindtalk bs on u. and shes like NAH BRUH wait maybe u cna help my memory aight. and they like o.o well...dat was easy. so they do it, and they have a discussion inside her bookstore cafe, and when they come out everyone is lie kjhgksjdgnkjdnkf. also, they can't understand SHIT right now because she speaks English not Japanese(ish).

(while she is unconcious they transport her to a proper interogation room. Now everything is white. Literaly. She cant tell floor from cieling. Its making her dizzy. There is a white surface table in front of her. She leans on it. She is sitting in uncomfortable white chair. Her hands are obviously tied down. Ibiki enters and is like HAI GUYS im here to kill-COUGH-interrogate you)

(pep is short. So she thinks about them again and thens ays good she remember Ma and Tim Paul and Mary Jane but not her own name. But yes Coney Island, which is close to where they live, which is New York. New York? Or Florida? And they are all ina country, called….called United Places of Eagles and Red Flags? But that doesn't matter, because she has to go back, back to t hem, no matter what. Because they love her. Because they exist and are waiting for her. Right? And then ibki is all lettin' loose some KI and he rips the picture up. She gets his meaning, his threat, pales, and then starts screaming and trying to attack him and is totally flipping out and rocking her chair back and forth and about to break her neck from just going wild until there is KILLING INTENT SO MUCH OF IT and then the chappie ends.)

 _ **HOW PIC ORIGINALLY INTERPRETED:**_ He pulls out her phone. She remembers how she got that one. She used to have a free phone from her medical insurance company, but one of the only friend's that's ever helped her out, Cassie, noticed what a piece of crap it was. Cassie's entire family, not much better off than her own, pitched in and got her a brand-spanking new Android LG something-or-other. All she knows is that it's a super sleek smartphone and the best shit this side of the street. She gave Cassie a fucking kiss for it, which admittedly made things awkward between them for a while, but it was still so worth it. Cassie's family almost felt like her own family. She didn't know if that was just because all Hispanics tended to be really friendly people, or if it was just the way Cassie's family were, but they cooked great and gave the best hugs, second only to Ma's. It's a comfort to know that her memories are still mostly there, otherwise how would she remember this.

Ibiki presses the home button, and the screen

 ** _HOW KI ORIGINALLY INTERPRETED:_** and she kicks backwards, leaning as far away from him as she can. The air _solidifies_. The weight _crushes her_. Her entire body is being stuffed into an oven on 300 degrees and then being squashed by a compressor. He walks towards her, and in his wake she can see the shadow of Death. It's spindly fingers latch onto his outstretched hand. She can see it, she can see it all, she can see how she _dies_. He'll first cut off her tongue, then rip off her fingernails, and drill several holes into her arms. She'll pass out from pain, but he'll bring her back, because he won't be finished yet. He won't _ever_ be finished with her.

She trembles and gasps and sobs and she's half-breathing and half-not-breathing and her eyes are rolling back in her head.

Because now she knows how she will die.

Ibiki will cut off her foot and carve his initials on the stump. He'll fry the appendage, make her sit there through the stench of her own burning meat, and then feed it to her for lunch because it will be the first meal she'll have in three days. He'll smile encouragingly, and then take two electrodes and electrify her into unconsciousness. She can already feel the surges of electricity frying away her nervous system. She can _feel_ her nerves _collapsing_ onto the _muscles_ of her _body_ which will then go up in _flames_ and she will _scream_ for _mercy_ until she takes her Very.

Last.

Breath.

* * *

u no they're desperate for content when the author publishes the 'outline' for the last chapters as an omake

o(╥﹏╥)o

( ɵ̥̥ ˑ̫ ɵ̥̥)

(-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩_-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩-̩̩̩)


	6. Misshaps in Boruto Era

She collapsed onto the ground with a grunt, groaning at the roadburn now littering her hands, arms, elbows, and knees. "What the heck?" she muttered, pushing herself off the ground and pulling her bag along with her. She rubbed at her stinging right cheek, and glanced down at her phone. It's screen was cracked. She cursed and tried to turn it on with no luck. She growled as she stuffed the phone into her pocket, finally sending a look to her surroundings. It was dark, wherever this was, with giant cracks in the ground. "How did I even get here?" she whispered. Last she remembered, she was walking down the street when-

"ABUNAI!"(Watch out!/Dangerous!)

Something barreled into her and slammed her into the ground. She yelped as her head cracked against the floor. A giant mass shadowed both her and the one that just crashed into her just before a wind of hurricane proportions stormed through the area. She cried as the gale yanked at her pink beanie, and a massive heat boomed somewhere to her left. A few moments later, the furious assault calmed down enough that she could open her eyes without fear of getting an eyeball poked right out of her face by flying debris. She panted up at a blond boy wearing a dark jacket, who screamed something at her in what vaguely sounded like Japanese. She stared at him in absolute shock, offhandedly thinking to herself that he looked like Naruto. The boy hissed something in annoyance and then yanked her to her feet.

She stumbled up, choking out a "What the f-?" before a swarm of sand encircled them both. The grains scraped against her sensitive skin and she screamed, because sand was NOT supposed to be able to wrap itself around humans! She struggled as it tightened around them both, yelling, "Holy SHIT! What the fuck is-Ah! GET IT OFF!" as she kicked and squirmed. The sand suddenly lurched forward and she yelled as both her and the boy went flying through the air, the sand the only thing keeping them together.

Another blast seared across her vision and she howled at the sensory overload, for just minutes ago she was in the heart of New York City with nothing more to worry about other than train delays, and now all of a sudden she was thrust into a motherfucking battlefield, and you know what, _fuck that shit man!_ The aftershock crashed over them and they tumbled to the rough ground, her arms getting scratched all over again, and the sand swooped over them to form another shield. She shrieked and clutched her hands over her ears, curling into a ball, tears streaming down her face and praying to a God she'd never believed in before but promised eternal devotion to if said god could only get her the fuck out of here!

The wind died down once again, and a group of people joined them, all speaking over themselves in that other language. She hiccuped pulling herself and wiping at her eyes, staring at the broken rubble ahead of her. Her eyes widened at the gigantic tree stretching far into the dark, cloudy sky, and then promptly lost her eyeballs as they jumped out of her eye sockets and _noped_ the fuck out of there, because she could not believe what she was seeing.

Giant golden anthropomorphic foxes covered in glowing purple armor brandishing a sword against another giant creature, this time made of what looked like lava and rock armor, simply did not exist.

Because things that didn't exist were not real, therefore everything she was currently looking at was not true, so clearly her eyes had decided pranking their human was going to be their new past-time.

Someone grasped her shoulders and nudged her chin up to look at them. A man with red hair and a terrible comb over narrowed his eyes at her, and hers immediately went to the Japanese character painted in red on his forehead. The mascara enhancing his aquamarine eyes, his garnet robes, and the sand carelessly floating around him, bring to mind the name of another character. "Gaara?" she muttered, still taken aback by the audacity of this cosplayer, and his complete lack of surprise at the humongous humanoids duking it out right behind him.

Except surprise coloured his features not a moment after she said the name, his eyes widening just a bit. "Ruby Mae?" he questioned in return.

She jolted backward as if slapped, and sucked in a breath as the truth of the situation rushes in all at once.

She teleported from New York into a random area currently within an expansive dome of darkness. Two giants are fighting, one that looks exactly like the Kyuubi covered in Susanoo armour. A kid that looks like Naruto tackled her, animated sand protected them both, and a man that looks like an older Gaara is shaking her shoulders to get her attention right now. Holy fucking shit.

"Listen!" the man snarled, and her eyes snapped back to him, her breathing skipping ahead of her and her mind reeling from the conclusion she's drawn. "My English bad," he tried, the English language stumbling from his tongue like how Japanese would if she tried to speak it. "Listen. You teleport away, now, is mistake you jump here." He said something else, but a shadow falls over them both, and with a scream she wrenched herself from his grasp and leapt to the side.

The huge foot of the rock monster shattered through the ground, and an earthquake shook through the area. THe ground split beneath her feet as she rolled away, wind nearly blasting her off her feet, rocks flying and scraping across her face. She shrieked as a muscled arm wrapped around her belly and yanked her into the air just in the nick of time to avoid falling through a crater. A second later she was dropped to the ground, next to the blond boy, a man wielding a sword above her.

"Gaara!" he yelled, scanning the ground around the behemoths still exchanging blows. Her jaw dropped at just how far away they were, when not a moment earlier she had to jump away from a foot.

The blond boy pushed her with a snarl, and she fell with a grunt. The boy yelled something, and the man cut him off with a sharp "Boruto!" The two exchanged nasty words, but her mind broke under a new realization.

1\. She was teleported into the Narutoverse during Boruto's generation.

2\. She was teleported into said Narutoverse during the final battle in Boruto: Naruto the Movie.

3\. She was teleported and she didn't know how.

4\. She had to get the hell out of here because her sister was still waiting at school.

Ruby Mae trembled and curled her knees up to her chest. "This can't be happening. This isn't real. This is just a really, really bad dream." She tried running a hand through her hair, but her beanie and a sharp sting of pain made her stop. Gingerly, she peeled off her hat to find the pink colour stained dark with blood from a previously unknown head injury. Her head swam at the sight of blood, at the sight of Boruto freezing at the sight of her blood, at the sight of the Raikage clicking his tongue in annoyance at the sight of her blood. Because regardless of how many times she hit her head, Boruto was not supposed to exist, the Raikage was not supposed to even be a think, and giant fox monsters weren't supposed to destroy the earth in battle, because _none of this was supposed to exist!_

Sand rushed into her vision again, forming a protective circle around the three of them, and Gaara appeared suddenly next to the Raikage. The Kazekage gripped his shoulder with a pained expression, but his eyes immediately landed on her. Sharp words were exchanged between the two ninja leaders and genin. Ruby Mae promptly decided that there was no use trying to make sense of anything.

She tucked her head between her knees and rocked back and forth, muttering, "This isn't real Rubles. This isn't real. Go back home. Go home, Rubles, home. This isn't-"

Someone shook her shoulder and shouted, "Stop panic, leave now!"

"Don't touch me!" she wailed, hugging herself even tighter. "This isn't real! I want to go home!"

Hands forced her face up again and she saw Gaara's-but no, that wasn't him, it was just some cosplayer right? That couldn't actually be him, right?-fierce expression. "Is real! Use jutsu and teleport away now! Is dangerous!"

She pathetically squirmed in his hold, shrieking "I don't know what you're talking about! I don't know how to use jutsu, I don't even know if this is real, what the fuck is going on, I-I just want to go back home, please, what's-"

A high-pitched, shrill sound started from somewhere in front of them. Rubles and Gaara both stared at the big black mass forming in front of them, and she knew with absolute certainty that it was one of those destroy-everything bomb-blasts of chakra so often found in the later episodes of Shippuden. Gaara paled, body going slack with fear, before his wild green eyes turned to her once more. "Leave!" he begged. "Please, leave now! You must not die! Use jutsu!"  
Sand churned around them in preparation for a shield, but even Rubles knew it would do nothing against the power of that bomb.

Rubles sobbed grossly, snot dripping from her nose and tears flowing down her face at a speed she didn't know was possible. Desperately, she tried to find the jutsu Gaara begged her to invoke, but she didn't know how to feel for chakra or how to use jutsu. "How?" she cried. "How do I do it?" Gaara lurched forward with an unsteady hand, grasping her arm and yanking it upwards to show her fingers, except they weren't there.

Ruby Mae stared in horror as her hand disintegrated right before her eyes.

"NO!" she screeched. She hadn't even felt any pain. "Oh my god, oh my god no, NO!" She staggered to her feet, wind swirling around the both of them, rubble and debris floating away and pulled to the giant dark mass forming ahead of them. Gaara stared wide-eyed, paler than paper, as her feet and arms broke away in thousands of pieces to be sucked in with everything else.

"Ruby?" he stammered. "Ruby, I don't-how can I help? This I do not know, explain, I will help, please-"

"I don't want to die," she bawled. "I don't want to die. I can't do this. Don't let me die, please."

"Ruby, I-" he broke off at the Raikage's shout, who was now a substantial distance away from the line of fire and had Boruto tucked between his arms. Gaara whipped his head to send back a reply, then turned back to Ruby Mae with tears in his eyes. "Not again, I am sorry, explain how can help, please-"

Rubles let out a shout as she collapsed to the ground without her legs. She was mostly just torso and head, now. "Oh my god I'm dying by disintegration," she gasped. "What the fuck is my life. I can't deal with this, this can't be real, fuck, shit, help me please!"

Gaara shook his head and backed onto a cloud of sand, tears flowing down his face. "I am sorry." he reluctantly pleaded, and then soared away from her.

"No!" she choked, her face beginning to peel away, too. "No! Don't leave me, I don't want to die, help me, PLEASE HELP ME!" she screamed, and then her mouth faded away. Within moments, she was nothing more than ashes on the breeze, and the giant mass of darkness exploded with a resonating bang.

* * *

 **i hate this, but, yeah. This is pretty much what would happen if she appeared in boruto's era. There are actually, like, legit explanations on why it happened during the final battle, and why gaara knew her, and also why the battle was so different from the movie battle-mainly because i didnt want to rewatch the entire movie, among other things. So. uh. Feel free to ask, y'all. And as you can see, whenever anyone drops a review of an AU of my AU, i get inspired and do it. So yah. Feel free to drop an AU, peeps.**

 **also im actually fever-stricken right now and shivering like mad, so i cant read this over for mistakes. i sorry.**


	7. Chappie 6: Delve into Her Mind, Maybe

Inoichi understands the human mind.

It is his specialty. He has spent years researching its secrets. In his prime within the dark and deadly branches of T&I, he could spend nearly hours at a time within a person's mind. His clan's abilities allows him to read minds, use them, take control over them, take them apart, put them back together again, and learn every little secret they tried to hold from him. His clan's jutsu gifted him with the ability to understand the human mind like none other.

Which is why he is so confused when he finds that he can't understand this one.

Currently, the girl is unconscious, held upright by Konoha's Mind Reading Amplification Machine. The machine is powered by him, along with a few other members of T&I. Together, they stabilize the condition of the subject, both medically and psychologically. This then enables Inoichi to enter the subject's mind and be able to do with it as he pleases. Well, almost as he pleases. There are obviously a few restrictions, but overall, it's enough to allow him to determine exactly who this girl is. He can sift through memories, take apart and reprogram personalities, even enter mindscapes. The possibilities are endless, so long as you can handle the side effects, which vary anywhere from momentary confusion to strokes and possibly even death. The subject mainly suffers the consequences, so as long as they are disposable to Konoha, there is basically no risk involved in this technique. A beauty, isn't it?

But case in point: if he can do so many amazing things with this jutsu, why is it that they aren't working now?

Inoichi studies the brain before him. It is standard protocol for a temporary mindscape to form immediately when he enters the mind of a subject. Typically, it consists of a dark area, occupied only by a visual representation of the subject's brain. From there, he can access the 'hippocampus', so to speak, of the subject, and review their memories in the forms of thick scrolls that he can manipulate in or out of the brain.

This is exactly what occurred when he first entered this subject's mind, but when he pulled a memory from her mind to review, he encountered a problem. The _main_ problem, to be specific. Usually, the memories are transferred to kanji on the scroll. It makes for a lengthy reading, but just a few catchphrases are enough to trigger a viewing of a memory. Besides, Inoichi's recollection ability is nothing to scoff at. A single glance is all he needs. Once outside of the subject's mind, he can then review his own memories and find out all the little secrets the subject never revealed to Ibiki.

Except these scrolls aren't filled with kanji. They're filled with some strange symbols that he has never seen before, and he can't make heads or tails of them. No matter which scroll he looks at, all contain those same strange symbols. He memorizes it all, just in case Cryptology can find some use for it, but he expects that even they will be stumped by this. It doesn't look like any code he's ever seen before, and besides, you can't exactly encrypt a person's memories. Unless someone created a technique that can do so. He sighs to himself. This means that he might need to turn things up a notch. He doesn't want to, seeing as this particular subject is a child, and this next jutsu can be damaging to the brain's memory retention ability, but then again… They really need information on this one. Drastic times call for drastic measures.

He forms the hand seal and is about to draw the chakra when to his right someone shouts, "Hey! Whatever you're planning, you better not do it, ya hear me!"

Inoichi visibly jumps at the sudden noise, and berates himself for the reaction immediately after. He looks down, floating in the dark expanse of the mind as he is, with his normal stoic mask in place, and faces a mental image of the subject. It is strange to see a mental image in a civilian's mind without having summoned it first, which leads him to believe the cause is one of two things; either A, the subject has had training in mind techniques, or B, they consistently make use of their 'inner voice of conscious', therefore leading it to form a representation of itself. All he has to do is take one look at the mental image, and he knows it's the latter.

The image stares up at him, exaggeratedly short. It stands at just two feet tall, and its head is double the size of its body. Its pink hat stretches all the way down past its eyebrows, almost entirely covering the eyes, and the small bits of hair that stick out from below its cap are oddly limp. They are also colored green, which somewhat matches with the subject's actual appearance. So far, the hat and the green hair are consistent with both subject and mental image, but the height is grossly misrepresented and the hat covers much more than it did in real life. Their face is excessively expressive, and their outfit is the exact same one that the subject is currently wearing. This leads Inoichi to believe that the subject is acutely self-conscious of their height; is dependent on the hat for some form of protection; probably has trouble controlling their emotions, which could potentially lead to panic attacks, the exact thing that drew Konoha's attention to them, fancy that; has green as its favorite color, if the dyed highlights managed to make it as their base hair color in their mental image; and the outfit is their uniform, if it too made it to their mental image, so they most likely participate in a structured, monitored routine. The clothes don't look like the preferred option one would wear to a fight, though, so it seems that being a field shinobi as their career is ruled out.

The image scowls and shakes a finger at him, yelling "You get your ass down here, you S.O.B.! What the hell do you think you're doing, messin' around in my head!"

Inoichi floats down to land on the invisible platform that supports the image, and tonelessly replies, "I apologize for intruding. Who are you? Where do you come from?"

The mental projection rises to his height, it's proportions fixing themselves into a much more realistic interpretation of the subject. Inoichi notes it carefully. The image sneers, "I can't believe it! You literally just broke into my head! You're so, ugh! People these days!" They round on him with a fierceness he raises an eyebrow at. "Who the HELL are you? What gives you the right to do this? Do you feel _good_ , just skipping around in people's brains? Do you get off on that shit?"

Inoichi pointedly gives no reaction. This was getting a bit too strange, even for him. Also, the image entirely ignored his questions, which was much more important. "What Village are you from? Who do you work for?" Internally, he sighs. This would all be so much easier if he could just view the memories.

The projection splutters indignantly, then waves their arms maniacally at the dark expanse around them. "Can't you tell? I work for _FUCKING_ Santa Claus, dipshit! Who the fuck do you think I work for? Better yet, who the heck do _you_ work for?"

Inoichi initiates eye contact, and holds it. Their evasion tactics seem to be rehearsed. Could they have been trained?

The image suddenly narrows their eyes and peers closer at him with one eye. The action is overemphasized by how their eye suddenly doubles in size. The oversized eyeball blinks once, and then retreats to a normal size. "You look familiar… Oh!" The projection abruptly smiles kindly. "I remember you now. You're the father of that Ino chick, right?"

Inoichi's blood freezes in his veins.

The image laughs freely. "Oh man, this is too good. Yamanaka, right? Ino-something. Inojin? Nope, that's not it, though… Ah! Inoichi! Ha, see, told 'ya I remembered." It sighs happily. "It feels so good to remember things…"

It takes everything in him to not chokehold this Kami-damned mental projection and drag them on a genjutsu mind-trip down Tortureville. Whoever this son of a bitch is, they know his daughter. He has to approach this carefully. This is no longer just some routine mental screening. Inoichi continues to stare blankly at the image. "You have detailed information on Konoha-nin. How did you obtain it?"

The image giggles. Fucking _giggles_. Like this is all some sort of _joke_. "Silly goose, you just wanna know how I know ya, yeah?" They wiggle their eyebrows and chortle before waving him forward. "Follow me to America, Inoichi- _chan_!"

Inoichi resists the urge to throttle them again and follows. He glances back only once at the fading representation of the hippocampus.

"Man, that place was weird. I mean, come on, a brain with scrolls sticking out of it floating in darkness? That's just _so weird_. I have no idea how the heck that came about. I'd never seen it before, either. But where we're going now, man it's awesome! You'll love it there! And it'll have all the information you're looking for, too! It's pretty much where I go to daydream, and because of that, it has all my memories and imaginations, because daydreams come from memories and imagination, pretty much. But really, I know the only reason why I would think up a Yamanaka in my head was if I wanted to start some Naruto daydream up, so I'll just bring you back to your place, and let the water flow its course!"

Inoichi notices the name of Konoha's jinchuuriki. This is not good. Not good at all.

A library of sorts fades into existence around them. A wooden round table stands in the middle, polished to a shine, with papers littering the surface. It's almost as tall as Inoichi himself, and for a moment the mind reader curiously eyes the strange dark plants curling around the four legs of the table before scanning the rest of the room. Book shelves stretch farther than the eye can see, fading upwards into empty white space, and they act as borders for the area. Something glitters on a shelf, and with a squint, Inoichi realizes that a group of fairies are perched daintily on a book jutting out from the shelf. Speaking of which, books are _everywhere_. Open, closed, sorted onto a shelf, laying on the floor, arranged in piles of varying sizes; there's not a single spot that doesn't have a book on it. In fact, the floor _itself_ is made of books. From underneath one such book, a green worm with round, black-rimmed glasses wriggles out, narrowing its eyes at a group of stick figures. It gnashes its teeth at them, and the worm chases the stick figures away from its territory before grumpily slinking back under its book.

Inoichi has no idea what to make of this.

The mental projection skips over to a bench by a window and pushes off all the books laying atop it. She pats the cushions and gives him a friendly smirk, saying "Well come on now, don't be a stranger. Sit down," before prancing off into a dark corner.

Inoichi makes to follow her, but has to stop just as a purple pegasus glides by. Inoichi blinks stupidly at the animal, only to receive a horsey grin before it speeds off with a rainbow trailing behind it. He looks to the side, and just a few bookshelves away from him, sees a yellow sponge with pants talking to a boy in black robes with the face of a man, round glasses, and a lightning scar grotesquely stamped onto his enlarged forehead. Something lands on Inoichi's shoulder, and he gawks as a tiny man in green chuckles up at him, "Who needs gold when you have Lucky Charms!"

All at once, Inoichi catches on to just how _bad_ of an idea it is to follow a mental image of a foreign subject into their own mindspace.

The more he looks around, the busier the mindscape gets. Neon colors randomly splash into creation mid-air. He catches snatches of music he can't recognize. Birds of the like he's never seen before soar by, one in particular whining out loud, "Are we there yet?" A sharp sound yanks his attention to the left, where a parade of mermaids swim down the bookshelf in floating globs of water. Inoichi swallows past the rising panic in his throat, and steps forward to try and finally reach the seat, only to have his balance leave him entirely. He tilts to the left, and a giant finger props him back up. It then places itself on the floor, and joins another finger in mimicking the action of walking. He takes another step and a crab appears, circling around his left leg, shouting, "Hey, hey, hey! Watch it, will ya'!" He stifles a yelp in surprise and tries to hop away from the crab, but a mass of black slime with eyeballs abruptly appears and gurgles to his right. He whirls around, stumbles backwards, and falls onto the bench, even though he was sure he still had about 2 meters to go.

It's like he tripped through an invisible barrier. The world unexpectedly becomes muted. The neon colors still randomly appearing dull in intensity, and though he can still hear the strange music, he can do so only when he strains his ears. The other side blurs to the point where all the bizarre creatures from before are distorted enough that he can ignore them. Inoichi feels like he can breathe again. Why was this girl's mindscape so busy? So _crazy_?

The projection forms next to him, holding two steaming cups, and smiles wanly at him. "Tea, or coffee?"

Inoichi responds with a question of his own, "What do you know about the Leaf?"

The image sighs and sets the saucers down. "Alright, I think I figured it out. Do me a favor and look up?"

Inoichi is tempted not to, but does so anyways. He gasps. Instead of shelves fading into white, a giant black hole covers the entirety of the top half of the room. Stars swirl around inside it, and at its epicenter is a large brown eye. The iris flickers every which way, ensuring nothing goes unnoticed under its vigilant stare. It settles on him, scrutinizing. Inoichi gulps.

This is way, way above his paygrade.

The projection smiles at him, and it takes him only a moment to realize that they're different now. Her face is entirely normal, her expressions no longer exaggerated. Her height is appropriate, and her brown hair now has the edges colored green, like how it is in reality. "Right then. This here is my home. Welcome. I know it's a bit crazy, but you get used to it after a while. I have a really active imagination."

Inoichi stares at her. "You're not a projection."

She gives him a confused look. "I don't know what you mean by a projection, but that's not important right now. I remember that I'm apparently in Konoha right now, yes? So we have a problem. To me, Konoha didn't exist, not in real life, until just recently. I'd like to keep it that way. I want to go back home. Can you do that for me?"

Inoichi's expression becomes fierce. "You say that, and yet clearly you know more than you should." Such an extreme reaction is breaking interrogation protocol, but Inoichi is far past caring about that. This stranger, an unknown potential hostile, with flying pegasi and talking crabs living in their mindscape, knows his _daughter_. Inoichi doesn't give a _damn_ about protocol; _no one hurts his baby girl_. "Who the fuck are you? What Village are you from? Better you tell me now, before I hand you over to Ibiki again." Inoichi leers at her. "He won't be as nice next time, little girl."

Her expression crumbles into one of pure fear. "Oh god, please no, not him again." she whimpers For a moment, she looks like she's about to hyperventilate, before she regains some modicum of control over herself. "Right. Well, I want to avoid that as much as possible. The thing is, I'm not from a Village, I'm not a ninja, I don't even have chakra. I'm not from your world, Inoichi. I have no idea how to show you that. You ninja are too paranoid to accept it. I could show you my memories, but you probably won't understand the language they're in, since I speak English and you're speaking Japanese, I think. I could show you what I know about the Naruto manga, but you'll think that I'm just some spy or something. No matter what I say or do, you guys will find some way to spin it to make me look like a bad guy."

Inoichi knows she is right, and doesn't argue it. "You still haven't told me your name."

Her pinched expression deflates into that of horrified acceptance. "That's the thing. I can't remember. _I can't remember my name_."

This revelation shows something utterly vulnerable about the subject that Inoichi highly doubts is a lie.

She bites her lip and casts worried eyes around them. "Look for yourself."

Inoichi does, and he _sees_. The library around them is foggy. At first he thought it might be because of the separation between the bench and the rest of the area, but on second thought, it's much more cloudy than he originally thought it was. The crab that yelled at him is no longer moving. The dark slime thing is evaporating. The flying creatures are now all walking on the floor, instead of zooming around everywhere. The clothed sponge and the boy-man are melting into each other. The music he heard before is distorted. As he studies it all, a book falls. And another. And _another_. In seconds, it's raining books. The wooden bookshelves are rotting, and they are fading into the black hole above at a much quicker rate. He directs his gaze to the giant eye, and after looking closely for a moment, manages to notice a strange film that makes the eye look glazed and unfocused.

Inoichi looks back at the girl in front of him, feeling a little pity. "You're dying." She's so young, too.

She gasps and lunges forward. " _WHAT?!_ "

Inoichi startles. "You didn't know?"

Her mouth gapes open. "NO! No, of course not! I-How-FUCK!" She grabs at her pink hat. " _Shit_. _Fudge-covered shiitake mushrooms_. Fucking hell, okay. Okay. I-I can deal with this. Okay. I got this. Just, just focus. _Focus._ " She takes a determined, and yet shaky, breath. "Okay, Inoichi, I'm just going to give you everything I got. I hope you can deal with it." She picks a book off a shelf and hands it to him.

Inoichi looks at the book warily for a moment, but above all, he came here for information. He takes the book in hand, opens it, and immediately falls into oblivion.

* * *

 **This feels so rushed like herhamgee. now i wanna say that her having a minscape isn't realisitc. yes i know that. The Yamanaka clan jutsu are never fully explained, and Kishimoto pulls one out of his magician's hat whenever he feels like it. I actually do have an explanation for the mindscape (something about Inoichi's chakra and projection needing a representation of the mind they can work with coupled with the subject's own subconcious, which is why her mindscape is bananas instead of Inoichi's generic darkness and floating brain.) so yeah, hit me up for more if you want to, y'all.**


	8. Chappie 7:DISMOAHPLANNING

Here's a glimpse at what Chapter 6:Into Oblivion, Chapter 7:Out of Oblivion, and Chapter 8:GET ME THE HOKAGE were supposed to be like. Along with some extra stuff, I guess.

(and inoichi is like uuuuuh i no spekey le english? and after a while hes like WELP she def speaks noda language but emotions the same shit. and after going thru memoru after memoru he gets that she isnt spying on them or if she is then it is done SUPAH WELL and that sleeper agent is some like godblesssed magic right there. so he goes in deeper, trying to discover if she is a threat, but kind of just grimces at sucky childhood and his like eh well so far i cant really see anything dang-oh? what is this? huh...her mindscape….fuck it lets go inside. and he finds her cute little bookstore cafe and is like. oh. well. and Ruby Mae/Rubles/Pepper is like AYO HOMIE WATTUP want some coffee? and he is lke no im japanese give me green tea and she laughs and is like cool, here u go. so. wanna talk about wtf is going on? and hes like hm. we understand each other here. and she slike ya i no its so weird. im uber glad we do understand each other because it would be really sucky if we didnt. and hes like touche bitch. and she like cool so naruto isnt a real world its a manga that i used to read, so technically u dont exist. and hes like *mindplosion* back out into the world and ibiki is like HOLY SHIT DUDE U FELL R U OK DO U NEED LIFE ALERT and inoichi is like NAOOO…. no… i ish kay sun. and goes back in to have a lengthy chat with ruby mae/ rubles/ pepper. and comes out and is like NIGGAAAAH GO GET ME DAH HOGURKA!)

(she's like ecush me i want my stuff anbu like i dun gettit but no and she motiones and he gets it and he still says no at some point she tries to leave TENSION and then nurse and T&I be like ayoo watup homies interogation pretty much fails maybe have T&I pull out a map and Ruby pull out a map and be like nuh uh dis some weird shit so T&I calls in Ibiki and Ibiki be all aight dis how it gon fly u gon stfu and start talking jap rihnaw and ruby be like uh O.O da fuq so Ibiki realizees and he's lik well shit dough. and then inoichi be all HEYEAHYEAHYEYEY)

(she's like Hmmmm i see ur eyes narrowed on uzushio ill take that to notes BUT HEY "megumi, konoha." waves hand over paper. huh? wht? so megu-OH megumi is from konoha so where am i from? shrug. -still dunno my name-. frowny face. smiley face, paper pen, sketches USA. circles NY. "america. new york. america" failure at repeating. compares maps. frownys. "uh can i have my stuff now?" makes phone hand sign. kunoichi walks out. well fuck. but wait a minute wasn't i just debating if i was actually from konoha or not? okay facts, i can't be from konoha cuz they dunno who i am. i also can't be from narutoverse since the only memories i have of these countries are admitedly vague, dont have enough emotional connection to be of importance, and all appear to be in animestyle. whihc is something else. so anime isnt normally real. so i shouldnt be debating the realiry of that. im from USA im from NYC thts why i remember thats why map so. bam. also THOUGHTS r weird headache still THERE. GUM WITHDRAWAL PPL)

 **┐(￣ヮ￣)┌**

more author-san redonkeyllus planning. which one reader-sama likes butter?


	9. Saturdays

Ruby Mae loves Saturdays.

Saturdays are the best. She wakes up early to watch cartoon shows with her sister Mary Jane, her brother Timothy Paul makes waffles for breakfast, and if they're lucky, Ma joins them in the afternoon for some good old classic video game brawling.

A commercial break from Yu-Gi-Oh comes on, and MJ uses that to stuff as much waffle as she can into her mouth. Rubles snorts at her seven-year-old sister and lightly comments, "You'll choke like that, you know."

MJ somehow manages to pout cutely even with chipmunk cheeks and syrup dripping down her chin. She swallows hard, chugs some orange juice down, and then blows a raspberry at her older sister. Rubles maxes an exaggerated sound of insult, and sticks out her tongue while pulling down on the skin beneath her eye.

MJ throws her hands into the air, places her thumbs by her ear, and mocks her sister by making stupid noises.

"Guys, stop." Timothy admonishes, interested in watching Yu-Gi-Oh and eating his breakfast in peace.

Rubles completely changes the tone of their impromptu contest by making the most ridiculous facial expression ever seen in their household, mildly reminiscent of Homer Simpson's Doh! moments.

MJ retaliates by grabbing her nose and yanking it up, snorting like a pig.

"Both of you, stop being stupid, right now," huffs Timmy.

Rubles stands from their couch and does the Chicken Dance, complete with clucking and everything.

MJ jumps up and fails at the Worm.

Timothy groans. "Why can't my family be normal?" he laments. "I only ever wanted normal, not-crazy sisters. Was that too much to ask for?"

MJ twists her head to look up at her brother with deceivingly innocent brown eyes. "Too bad, Tiny Timmy, but you're stuck with us!" She props herself up on her elbows and her smile turns wicked. "You'll never get rid of us!" she cackles, actually putting effort into reenacting the villain's Evil Laugh. Rubles pitches in with two agreeing chicken squawks.

Timothy stares at his little sisters with a disgusted expression, but it quickly drops into one clearly holding back laughter. MJ, seeing an opportunity to make this even more hilarious, wiggles on their floor up to the couch and crosses her eyes at her older brother, making an extended duh noise. Timothy sniggers and throws a hand over his mouth to stifle the sound. Rubles, catching on to her younger sister's ingenious plan, hops from foot to foot as she waddles her way to the couch, squawking outrageously loud and honk-like.

Timothy bursts out laughing and rolls from his seat on the couch and onto the floor, tackling Rubles with him. With both his girls on the floor, he snatches them up and snorts at their necks like a really tall pig. The girls squeal, both being ticklish, and before long the three siblings are romping around like children, despite being 17, 11, and 7. Their waffles lay forgotten, Yu-Gi-Oh still playing on the screen, as all three enjoy a morning free of stress and worries.

Ruby Mae really loves Saturdays.

* * *

 **these siblings will be the death of me. quite literally i will probably be writing about them till i die**


	10. ROOT

The first thing she noticed when she regained consciousness was that she was once again tied down to a chair.

Instead of the all-white rooms of T&I, she was now strapped in place to a dark metal chair, darkness consuming all other details of the area she was currently in. She didn't feel any air moving, she didn't see any light, and all she could hear was a steady drip-drip-drip from a nearby leak echoing around her. The all-black room was such a stark contrast from the all-white room of before that she immediately knew the Hokage's answer to her last question.

The Hokage had approached her in search of information about the future. Thanks to Inoichi revealing her knowledge to the Hokage, it was clear that she could be either a great ally, or a dangerous enemy. Honestly, she didn't want any trouble. All she wanted was to go home, and she would do anything to get that chance. She'd hoped to make that clear to the Hokage, regardless of the language barrier.

Looked like she had failed.

Time to count her blessings. At least she wasn't feverish anymore. Her memory was still spotty, but she recognized that Narutoverse was separate from her own, and that she had family left waiting for her. She breathed in deeply to try and calm her racing heart, the dank air reminding her of the basement her family lived in when she was eleven. So back to interrogation then. No problem. She had been exposed to KI three times now, she would handle herself better now that she wasn't inexplicably sick and caught between the claws of panic. She could do this. She would have to do it, in order to get back home.

A sharp object screeched as it slid against stone floor, and she gasped at the sudden noise. Light flared to her right in the shape of a doorway, outlining a man's silhouette. She breathed out sharply as the person approached, straining her eyes for any details she could use to define them.

"Hello? Hi, hey, what's up, um, can I get out of here? You're clearly a trained ninja and I'm weaker than your civilians okay, there's literally nothing I could do to you, please let me go?"

The man paused directly in front of her. She held her breath as a hand reached out and gently caressed her cheek, calloused fingers dancing over her cheekbones and tucking a lock of flyaway hair behind her ear.

Her heart stopped, and she absentmindedly realized her hat was no longer on her head. Her eyes trained on the thumb that trailed down her right cheek, barely visible in the weak light pooling in from the open doorway. Her breath stuttered as that same thumb ghosted over her bottom lip.

"No," she gasped. "No, no please don't. Please." Surely the Hokage hadn't ordered her raped, had he? What good would come of that? Then again, the Hokage could've ordered her to be broken, to have her will beaten out of her, to ensure her loyalty to Konohagakure. That could be interpreted in any manner of ways.

Something drained into the air, some kind of apprehensive delight. She whined pitifully as the hand tightly grasped her cheeks and shoved her head forcibly upwards. Hyperventilating now, she squeezed her eyes shut and jolted backwards, trying to wrest her face free from the bruising grip. The tension in the air shifted to something drastically darker, and she whimpered as she identified the increasingly powerful KI. The fear crept stealthily into her bones, enough that she knew it would paralyze her but slow enough that she would tremble and struggle until the last minute.

Cloth audibly shifted, and she reached her breaking point. "Holy fucking shit please don't rape me." she blurted. "Fucking christ no come on man, that's fucked up." she continued babbling, hoping that if she kept her mouth busy he wouldn't shove anything into it. "No, no please don't, you can't do this please, I've done nothing! I've LITERALLY done NOTHING, NO!"

The man forced his fingers into her mouth and she choked at the sudden intrusion. Desperately, she bit down as hard as she could, blood suddenly flowing across her tongue. The man hissed, something stomped on her foot hard enough to break her big toe, and a hand quickly slapped her unconscious.

Blearily, she opened her eyes after the sudden rush of unconsciousness, seeing the hand reappear from the darkness to open her mouth once more. Her head spun, blood trickled from her lips, and her left big toe throbbed horribly. She whimpered as the hand once again forced her mouth open, and fingers pried her tongue out from between her teeth. She mouthed words of defiance incoherently, switching from cursing and begging all in the same sentence.

Something cold and disgusting brushed against her tongue, and she went cross-eyed in an attempt to see it, tears blurring her vision. They trickled down without her consent, like the saliva pooling against her bottom lips and tracking sticky paths down her chin. She managed to snatch a glimpse of something wooden flickering back and forth, as that soft yet cold and nasty thing traced patterns on her tongue, leaving behind it mildly burning designs of foul-tasting liquid.

Danzo's face loomed towards her out of the shadows, peering down at her tongue, and it abruptly all made sense.

She was being inducted into ROOT.

The aged warrior leaned back, and his calloused hand raised to form a seal. Pain scorched across her tongue, following the paths Danzo had painted with his brush, and she shrieked. Her limbs seized and jerked out of control, her head slammed back against the metal chair, bright flashes flickered in front of her wild eyes. Blue chakra ensconced her, starting from her mouth, and she gagged as her tongue swelled. She continued screaming as the white-hot pain slowly started dragging itself through her body, lava flowing along her veins and settling itself within her like an unwelcome psychopath roommate.

She made wordless sounds of fuck-ow-fuck-my-life-i-want-to-die, her throat closed as her tongue flopped out of her mouth, her heart skipped three beats, and she collapsed KOed.

* * *

She woke up in the same room, this time feeling like three trains ran her over in quick succession. She groaned, then instantly regretted it. Her throat blazed at any movement, and her tongue pulsed with sharp flashes of indescribable pain. She wished she could just go back to being unconscious, because having to feel this kind of pain _sucked ass_. She swallowed, and held back a reflexive whimper. She opened her mouth and her swollen tongue lolled out to the side. Saliva trickled down from the right corner of her lips, but she didn't bother trying to wipe it. She could feel the bindings around her wrists and ankles, and her shoulders ached from the position they'd maintained for who-knew-how long, seeing as they'd tied her arms behind the back of the chair. Assholes, the lot of them. Seriously, who the fuck did this to a kid?

 _Danzou, that's who_.

Her whole body tensed as a door creaked open, the bottom scratching against the rocky floor. Shit, fucking Shimura danzou, Hell, she could remember, she could just barely remember that motherfucking cunt doing something weird to her tongue before she passed out, Christ Almighty give her strength, she was so fucking screwed, footsteps tapped lightly against the stone floor, approaching her, too dark to see, she was going to die, the Hokage let these _assholes_ have their way with her, but why, she wasn't a threat, she _didn't know anything_ , _she didn't want to_ _ **die, NO!**_

"She's conscious, sir." said a voice, silky tenor smoothing over the words like it was a personal compliment other than a simple observation. Cool, gentle fingers glossed over her chin, tilting her head to face the front. Light framed two silhouettes, one she assumed was Danzou stationed just inside the door, the other directly in front of her. A pair of glasses shined as the person shifted, and a million and one curses burst into her mind before collapsing into one big feeling of _I'M SO FUCKING SCREWED_. She was 87% sure Kabuto was currently in front of her.

"Will she survive?" questioned Danzou.

Kabuto hummed in contemplation, and she watched as the fingers touching her chin began to glow a minty green. Her eyes rolled back into her head as that same wonderful feeling flowed through her, this time ten times more potent. It was _fucking amazing_. She hoped this feeling _never_ stopped. It was like honey ran through her veins. It was like there weren't any problems left in the world, and she could spend the rest of her days surrounded by her stuffed animals, her quilt hanging above her like a tent. It was like her entire family hugged her all at once, and then superglued themselves on to her so they couldn't ever stop hugging her. It was like chewing Spearmint and daydreaming about the love of her life rescuing her from her life of misery. It was like riding her bike down the tallest hill in the world, and then letting go of the handlebars. It was euphoric. It was _freedom_.

Kabuto removed his fingers, and she abruptly remembered she was in the Naruto world, a world previously assumed to not exist, with no recollection of her own name or how she got there, having recently been inducted into ROOT, with Danzou and Kabuto right in front of her. Reality _sucked_.

"She will be fine." Kabuto answered. "It also appears that iryoninjutsu has drug-like effects when used on her."

She breathed in deeply to clear her mind, and blinked against the darkness. Wait a minute, when she was talking to the Hokage, and Inoichi, and that ninja lady, she hadn't understood a lick of what they were talking. Yet now, she can clearly understand every word that Danzou and Kabuto are speaking. How? What changed? What was she going to do to get out of here?

"Use that to your advantage. Interrogate her. Find out everything she knows. Kill her when you're finished." Danzou ordered.

She jolted at the old mann's words, eyes popping open and locking on Kabuto's shadowed image. Her fists gripped tightly onto the armrests of the metal chair they were tied to, her knuckles going white from the strength of her grip. She brought her tongue back inside her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut against the pain, yet opening them as soon as she was able.

"She doesn't understand our language, sir." said Kabuto, as still as a statue, the light glinting off his glasses making it seem like a nearsighted demon had come for her soul.

Danzou backed out of the room. "You'll find a way," he assured, and then the door creaked shut.

She immediately began to hyperventilate in the darkness. With the meager amount of light having gone, all hope of tracking Kabuto left. She was now all alone in a dark room tied to a chair with a stone-cold killer just chilling with her. Holy shit. Holy _shit_ she was so fucked. Fucking shit damn it, how was she going to get out of this, what was she going to do? How could she-

Something blunt slammed into her gut and she gasped against the pain, her mouth opening and tongue flying open along with a glob of saliva and a strange 'guh!' sound. SHe slumped against the chair for less than a second before something else struck her face with enough force to whip her head to the side and strain her neck. She yelped, certain that blood was pooling in her mouth, hoping that would be the end of it, when she was hit across the face once again. She hissed through the pain and spat out a comb of blood and saliva, managing a single breath before something smashed against her nose.

She shouted as her nose crushed under the force, pain unlike anything she had ever experienced plunging her into unconsciousness. She resumed awareness at another flash of agony, this time because something yanked her matted hair down and with it tilted her face upwards. Liquid splashed over her face, and she choked against it, trying to shake it off so she could take a breath. She struggled for a few moments before she was released, and she gasped desperately for air, focusing on _just breathing_ , determined to ignore her sore stomach, her stinging face, and her throbbing nose and tongue.

Unwittingly, tears tracked down her cheeks.

"Are you crying?" Kabuto asked, clear surprise in his voice. Her bottom lip trembled against the weight of her swollen tongue, the pain of her nose, and the stress of her entire situation. She blinked harshly against the build up in her eyes, wishing not to show any weakness, but knowing it was an exercise in futility. Kabuto laughed outright at her efforts, and then glossed his fingers across her left cheek, bringing with him the horrible sensation of needles piercing through her skin. She grunted and jolted her face away from his hands. "You're so pathetic," he snickered. "I can't believe a weak little girl like you knew about jinchuurikis. This is too ridiculous to be real!"

She rolled her tongue, found it marginally more controllable, and managed to speak around it. "Fuck you," she groaned, defiant regardless of the pain she was in. She had been punched a few times before. Obviously she hadn't ever felt something as painfully strong as Kabuto's previous punches, nor had she ever broken a bone before, but she'd gotten into enough fights during her middle school years to have grown accustomed to pain in her face and gut. She wouldn't allow herself to be humiliated like this. She had to be strong. She had to be defiant.

The room had gone oddly silent, quiet enough for her to hear that dripping leak again. She smiled without reason. "That's right, cunt. Fuck you, you ass-lickin' piece of shit." She licked her lips, wincing the three-hit-combo of having a swollen tongue, a busted lip, and an unidentifiable cut within her mouth. "D'you like being Orochimaru's bitch, Helmet-chan? I'm sure he likes havin' you." she slurred. Making fun of other people was her default reaction when in danger. It never helped, but she also never learned her lesson, so yeah. Bam.

"Oh yeah, he _really_ likes havin' you. Every night, that slimey pedophile goes to bed with images of you in his head. He's so _pleased_ every time you do something right, isn't he? That's because he knows it's only a matter of time before you give in to him. Shit, he pro'lly steals your glasses and jerks off on them. You lost any specs lately? Check underneath his bed, you'll find it th-" she cut off with a broken inhale as Kabuto launched himself at her neck.

The spy squeezed her throat so hard her eyes popped out a little. She jerked against his hold, choking for air, but his strength pinned her to the back of the chair she was tied to. Her mouth opened and closed, and she made another sound that barely managed to strangle it's way out of her throat. Kabuto squeezed even more, and she spasmed uncontrollably.

"So, you do speak our language. We knew that as soon as someone truly invested in discovering your secrets got involved, you would easily comply with our orders. We haven't even been here for more than five minutes and already you're telling me everything. I just _love_ _it_ when I have a subject as _responsive_ as you." Kabuto remarked quietly, something like a smile brightening his voice. Her eyes rolled upwards, and the combination of choking to death in utter darkness brought absolute regret.

She regretted taunting Kabuto. She regretted reading the Naruto manga. She regretted ever leaving for school that morning. She regretted not telling her sister she loved her that day before school.

Her lungs burned for air. Her eyelids fluttered.

"Don't worry," Kabuto cooed. "I won't kill you just yet. We still have a lot of things to talk about, after all."

She regretted not telling her brother how much she loved him before he died. She regretted being born into dysfunctional family. She regretted not learning martial arts. She regretted being born.

She regretted not remembering her name before she died.

* * *

She wished she'd died when Kabuto choked her.

Instead, she was revived, and then toured through the seven levels of Hell.

She had no idea how long she spent in that room. Time became unimportant when faced with torture. Whether it had been hours or months, it was irrelevant in the face of what Kabuto had done to her. The only reason why she was still alive was because of how skilled Kabuto was at medical jutsu. Other than that, she was utterly broken.

Just breathing brought her pain. Her eyes were closed, since there was literally no difference between that and the darkness around her. She heard a rustle of cloth and stiffened, hissing at the pain the tension brought her. Kabuto chuckled somewhere to her left, and she sucked in a sharp breath.

"Please," she whispered. "Please, I already told you everything I remembered, I swear."

"I don't believe you." he sang. Something metal clanked on the floor.

"No!" she gasped. "Not again, please, oh my god please don't do this, please!" she begged. "What else do you want? What else can I say? I've told you everything I know!"

"How did you get here?" Kabuto inquired in an innocent tone, as if he wasn't caressing her bruised throat with a sharp and cold blade.

"I don't know!" she sobbed. "I don't know, I don't remember, please, stop!"

Kabuto tutted and lightly flicked her broken-repaired-broken-again nose, sending a flare of agony through her head. "You should know by now that it would be much easier to tell me the truth."

"I can't even remember my own _name!_ " she wailed. "How the fuck do you expect me to remember how I traveled to another _world_?"

Kabuto abruptly pierced the blade through her right hand, and she screamed. It was horrible, so much worse than the movies were ever able to capture. Her whole hand was paralyzed with pain, and the blood pouring out of the wound sizzled, and her arm throbbed, and her brain short-circuited every damn time he did this, and the room was spinning, and-

Euphoria roared through her damaged body, and she wheezed at the glorious sensation contrasting with the terrible ache in her body. It quickly puttered out and left her with nothing more then _fucking-OW-everywhere._

"You know, you have a really bad pain tolerance." Kabuto commented, leaving the blade there and shifting away from her to do something else, she didn't bother guessing.

"Why?" she whined. "Why do you keep hurting me? Why? I told you everything, I told you about Kaguya and Zetsu, I told you about the Uchiha Massacre, I told you about the jinchuuriki, I told you about the Chunin Exam Invasion, what more could you possibly want?"

"While I'll admit that's all well and good," Kabuto said, "I still don't think that's everything. Where did you get this knowledge?"

"I WATCHED THE ANIME!" she shouted. "I TOLD YOU I WATCHED THE FUCKING ANIME AND READ THE FUCKING MANGA, THIS ISN'T MY WORLD, YOU'RE ALL FAKE, THIS ISN'T REAL, I DON'T BELIEVE IT, STOP, WAKE UP, I HAVE TO _WAKE UP, I HAVE TO_ _ **WAKE UP**_ -"

"Oh no, this is very much reality." assured Kabuto as he placed something searing hot in the space between her breasts.

The girl shrieked as the hot metal burned her skin. She wriggled against her restraints, yelling and crying, unable to get away from her suffering. A few moments later Kabuto withdrew the hot metal, and she once again slumped in the chair, head spinning with nausea from the stench of her own melting flesh.

"I just want to go home." she wept. "I wanna go back home."

"You're such a child." scoffed Kabuto. "Now, tell me how you learned about the invasion."

The girl only just continued weeping. Kabuto sighed dramatically, and shortly afterwards she heard the door creak open and shut.

A few minutes of just her breathing passed, until she could predict when the leaking water would hit the stone floor. She swallowed down saliva, blood, and the urge to vomit. There was no way she was going to get out of here. She couldn't fight back, she was too weak, and she was tied to a fucking chair. She was injured because of Kabuto's torture, and couldn't heal herself. She didn't even know how she got here in the first place, so what was the point of even contemplating escape?

A faint image of a young smiling girl with bushy hair swept through her mind. Poor, poor little sister. If only she could remember her name, if only she could get out of this place, if only she could see her sister again, if only-

The door opened. She didn't bother moving. Some people walked in, one with a telling clack of a cane every few steps.

"I am a forgiving man, little girl." said Danzou. "Tell me everything you know, and I will not kill you."

She took in a shuddering breath, before croaking, "I told Kabuto everything I know. I swear I did. Everything else, I can't remember. If you just-if you could just give me some time, please, I just need some time to recover and I'll remember them. I can't even remember my own name. But I, I told him, I told him about the invasion, and I told him the jinchuuriki's names, and I told him about Kaguya, and I'll tell you more, I'll tell you everything, just, just please don't kill me, please."

Danzou went quiet for a moment. "So if I give you some time to heal and regain your strength, you will tell me everything you know?"

"Yes! God yes, I mean I already told you everything I remember right now, but I-I know there's more to it, so if I can just get some time to remember, I'll tell you, I just don't want to die, I just want to go back home, I'll tell you everything but please, please just let me go home!"

She swallowed uneasily, tense with suspense, until Danzou said, "Alright."

She gasped sharply, causing her injuries to flare for a moment. The footsteps and clacking of the cane started up again. "Wait, are you serious?" she asked, unbelieving of this turn of events.

Danzou opened the door, and then huffed in amusement. "Of course not. Stupid girl." He then left the room, the sounds of someone's throat being slit serenading him out.

* * *

 **#trollDanzou**

 **Iryoninjutsu=Iryo-jutsu=Medical ninjutsu**

 **also idk how to breakline sooo, sorry?**


	11. Exams

She slams her textbook on the table and snarls, "Fuck this shit!"

Timmy raises an eyebrow and turns around to look at her from over his shoulder. "Language, Ruby."

"Don't you language me, Timothy!" she sneers. "You fucking dropped out of school, you don't need to deal with this bullshit! I'm the one here struggling to read through this pile of useless crap for some fucking ridiculous course that won't even matter three weeks from now because who the fuck cares about your science class scores when you gotta make money to put food on the table! For crying out loud, school makes no fucking sense and it's just a huge waste of my time and I _hate_ it!"

Timothy stares at his eleven-year-old sister for a long moment before asking, "You done?"

Rubles glances up to her brother, finally regaining control of her volatile temper. She knows she crossed a line. Timothy Paul sacrificed his education to get a job in order to support the family. Throwing that in his face, and then further disgracing him by dismissing the worth of education, was decidedly Not A Good Thing. She huffs grouchily, stomps over to where her brother is sitting on the couch, and throws herself at him in a loose hug.

Timmy grunts at her sudden weight, but welcomes her anyway. He smiles crookedly, and Rubles can't help but feel pleased that she managed to do that. Her brother's smiles have been getting rarer and rarer. Even this simple haphazard tilt of his lips is a sight for sore eyes. "I'm sorry, I was angry and I said a lot of stupid things. I'm sorry that I said school was useless. I know it isn't," she admits.

The 17-year-old adjusts his sister so that she is sitting on his lap. He sweeps his lips across her forehead in a brief kiss. "Apology accepted, and I'm happy that you're mature enough to admit that. What's got you so stressed, honey?"

She didn't want to tell her brother this, but now that she went and threw a tantrum over it, she recognizes she doesn't really have a choice. "My grades are crap. If I don't get a perfect score on this test, I'll fail Chemistry. If I fail Chemistry, I fail the year and get held back. I don't want to get held back."

Timmy's forehead wrinkles with frustration for a good 30 seconds. He takes that time to compose himself, get rid of his anger and turn his negative emotions into useful ones. He sighs, then brings them both up to stand. "Chemistry, right? I'm no genius, but I'm sure I can help you with that."

Rubles shakes her head. "No, you have to work tonight, and we need to pick up MJ in 45 minutes. You need to get some rest, Timmy. You're practically awake 24/7, I never see you sleep."

Timmy snatches his little sister's nose and gives it a playful yank. "Who the hell died and put you in charge, kiddo? Shut up and sit your butt down, missy. We've got Chemistry to study."

Rubles groans in protest, even as she plops back down into her kitchen chair. "I don't wanna study no useless Chemistry bullcrap, Timmy!"

Timothy sits next to her and adjusts the hem of her beanie so it's no longer hovering in front of her eyes. He smiles again, this time a little lighter than before, and smoothes the few curls of brown hair peeking below her cap. "Focus Rubles, focus. That's what you're missing, and that's what I'm here to help you with. Now, let's get to it."

* * *

 **Back in a time when things were better...**


End file.
